Word of the Year
I have been trying to choose a word of the year, a word theme for 2017. But, it is difficult.
I hold these truths to be self evident:
that I am created equal;
that I was endowed by my Creator with certain Libra-esque qualities that sometimes leave me in decision limbo; that among these thoughts are life, faith, authenticity, and the pursuit of happiness;
that I have been grieving a changed life for a long time & trying to be brave;
that I still am trying to figure out who I am as a single woman, living back at home after being away for almost 30 years, exploring how to support myself, and exhausted at the thought of dating again;
that I am more than I was before. Deeper. That my new life must be better than my old one.
That I am no longer willing to settle for ill-fitting, mind-less, or untrustworthy. I have no patience for mixed messages. I’m not willing to trade my time for anything that doesn’t light me up. And I will accept nothing less than honesty, curiosity, respect, kindness, compassion and pure l.o.v.e. AND I have a harder time now being light about this. I’m still learning how to speak my truth compassionately with NO attachment to outcome.
That I can’t choose a word of the year for all the thoughts swirling in my head that it won’t be the BEST choice or will bring certain challenges into my life. Which is ridiculous.
That I keep asking in my life and in my dress, is this me? Is this me?
That my self talk when I see pictures of myself can be incredibly cruel. I would never talk that way to anyone else.
That I haven’t figured out how to be feminine and sensual in any sort of authentic way since I’ve been single.
That I stood up straighter when I read the word prime. As in perfection. Best. In her prime. Zenith. In full bloom. As in peak. Choice. Vitality. Could I use 2017 to see myself this way? Could I see opportunities this way… as in, this is a prime opportunity? This is the prime time to do X. I am RIGHT NOW in my prime. ?
That I lost part of my sense of humor somewhere. I could use more humor and joie de vivre in my life. I could sing That’s What Dreams are Made Of as loud as I want and LOVE IT.
That I need more faith to follow my interests, especially when it’s scary and I don’t know where the next paycheck will come from. I could also sing more George Michael at the top of my lungs, Faith –ah Faith-ah Faith-AH.
That I’d like my life to be Easy Like Sunday Morning.
That I really do like to sing.
That my body got kinda zingy and scared when I hit upon the word original. As in beginning. Authentic. Certain. Valid. Genuine. NOT derivative. Not old, not used. Not the newest either. Could I be original and stop searching for someone to lead the way? Could I be faithful to a path that has no goal I can see? Could my choices be valid, even if I decide that they are eventually wrong for me?
So, no. I haven’t settled on my word of the year. Prime? Humor? Joie De Vivre? Faith? Easy? Original? Clarity? Non-attachment? Musical?
I’m playing in these waters.